It’s funny how we see love, shown to us in books, in the media, all our lives…There’s always this expectation of what it’s supposed to be. You know, the ‘happily ever after’ trope and the way everything is so neatly packaged up with a bow on top. The meeting. The bonding. The conflict. The separation. The resolution, then the happy ending. There’s always a sense of completion to these portrayals. We only see the good stuff, just like we do on social media, when really, it’s the messiness, the disarray, the deliciously incomplete yet complete aspects that make a relationship last.
Last Valentine’s, I spoke about loving yourself, and this year I’m going to talk about something different.
Knowing someone for eleven years, and being in a relationship with them for…a decade this May. There’s the usual questions – how did you meet, what do you do, etc. But then there’s this one – when do you plan to get married?
Here’s the thing – life isn’t this prepackaged plan handed to you on a platter. Sure, it can be frustrating as hell not to ‘know’ how everything will go, but that’s also the beauty of it. It’s not a romcom. It’s a relationship, in 2018, that will lead to wherever it wants to, when it’s ready.
When you’ve practically grown up with someone for a decade, a kind of realization hits you. Things are different, but warmer and fonder. It’s comfortable, yet still so spontaneous. You don’t really need to say ‘those 3 words’ anymore, because it’s implied in so many, many things.
This is us now – tagging each other in stupid memes at 1 am when one of us can’t sleep. Having the weirdest conversations that if someone else eavesdropped on, they’d be like, these two are nuts. Looking back on old pictures and thinking about how we looked like such KIDS. Getting drenched in the rain because we forgot to carry umbrellas and laughing and shouting random shit at the top of our lungs because we’re still so happy. The texting in the cab and constantly asking where I’ve reached. Where playful insults and random nicknames reign over cliched ways of calling each other. Where that ‘spark’ is always there even when dressed in yesterday’s jeans, a hoodie and no makeup or a 5 o’clock shadow. When you’ve had a particularly shitty day and that giant hug is all that you need to forget it all. And strangely enough, still feeling weird to use the words ‘girlfriend’ or ‘boyfriend’ while introducing each other to people.
We’ve always been the best friends who fell in love, in the most non-cliche way possible, including the way we met. Life has been a rollercoaster ride and usually always is, and so I can safely say he’s my favourite weirdo to have around. Love is not a destination that culminates in marriage – it’s a journey, which is not perfect, and there’s so much beauty in the messiness. And for now, I’ll revel in the fact that we have each other. That, for me, is enough and more. I see us growing individually, as people, having our own interests while knowing that we always have each other. And if and when the day comes, we might just casually decide to put another label on it.